Our relationship was perfect; at least I thought it was. We could talk about anything for hours. You told me you’d take care of me until the end of time, but it wasn’t long before I came to know that those were just empty words. You left me when I needed you the most and it’s high time you know the price I’m paying for the things that you did.
I was lost. More than that, I was slipping away from the person I used to be. I wasn’t doing okay. I was getting worse by the day. But you knew that already. I hoped you would notice. I hoped you would pick me up when I couldn’t stand up on my own. But you simply turned your back on me.
Did it hurt? Did you ever miss me? Did you mourn the loss of me?
I asked myself these questions day and night. I couldn’t face the world. I stayed up nights wondering what went wrong and what could I have done differently. I blamed myself. I kept thinking that I wasn’t good enough for you.
I started suffering from anxiety disorder because of the things you put me through. My mind and body went out of sync. I cried myself to sleep for many nights. I forgot what it was like to eat a healthy meal. I couldn’t understand how people were smiling. I thought I would never be able to come out of this.
I would often feel the anxiety swelling up in my chest. Like there was a lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow. I would feel paralysed in my own body. Like I couldn’t think and I couldn’t move. I had lost hopes that I would ever be able to live my life normally again.
My body would ache for no reason. I would have the worst possible anxiety attacks in public. I had become absolutely useless at work. Everything in my life went spiralling down. I kept screaming for you but you didn’t care if I was dead or alive.
Tell me, did you realise the damage you were causing? Did you think, for once, what impact would your actions have on me?
I think not. You acted selfishly and left me to fend for myself. You left me to fend for myself after a million promises saying that you would be there for me. You put me in my misery and left me there. You simply left me to rot.
Probably one day you will realise how much I gave up for you and how little you did for me. I’m suffering from anxiety because of what you did. For years to come, I will be in doubt of all the choices I make.
But you know, after months, I can say that I’m doing well, extremely well, in fact. Extremely well, without you. I have emerged to be a stronger, wiser, and a kinder person. After you left me in a hell that you created just for me, not only did I survive it, I came to the other side as a winner.
So Glad I’m Not Yours Anymore.